


it's hidden in heartbeats

by wecantseeyou



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, sometimes finding solace in another person is quiet and comfortable, sometimes it's being a part of a world-saving adventuring party together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wecantseeyou/pseuds/wecantseeyou
Summary: In the aftermath, Beau felt mostly pain.-5 + 1.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 8
Kudos: 267





	it's hidden in heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> I rarely write but, alas, something about this dynamic keeps needling at the back of my brain.
> 
> unbeta'd and to be quite honest, unedited. will gladly correct any mistakes folks spot.
> 
> wecantseeyou on tumblr if you want, but lurking is my usual status there.

i. 

In the aftermath, Beau felt mostly pain. Sore, bruised, bloodied, her head pounding with whatever magical effects Vokodo left imprinted on her mind when he was Banished away by Jester. She remained where she was, just feet from the space previously occupied by the hulking beast, heaving air into her lungs through Fjord’s ( _ the Wildmother’s? _ ) magic. 

The rest of the Nein were silent, waiting with bated breath as the seconds ticked down on Jester’s spell. The moments stretched long and tense, like everyone was afraid that moving too quickly or speaking too loudly would undo everything they had fought for. Beau steadied herself in the water, slowly turning to survey her friends, pushing her arms back and forth. Veth had already rushed over to Caleb to check on the wizard. His skin seemed paler than usual in the strange water, illuminated by the fiery plants along the walls. Blood had stained the water around him, turning it a translucent pink.  Beau watched as Caduceus clutched his staff and closed his eyes briefly, Caleb’s wounds illuminating with green magic in response. Fjord had pushed himself back from the now-empty space in the cavern toward Jester, the Star Razor held aloft in front of him, ready to attack any danger that could befall the cleric before her spell could be completed. Jester held her hands out in front of her, eyes wild, as her bright pink magic still flickered along her fingers. Vilya was just visible behind her in the large shark form she had inhabited for the latter part of the fight, black eyes glinting orange.

“Beau,” came a voice from behind her, quiet but steady. “Let me help you.” The monk turned to face Yasha who had a hand outstretched towards her. With a nod, Beau swam the short distance across the underwater cavern.

Yasha eyed Beau intently, looking her up and down for damage. Timidly, she reached her hand slowly toward Beau’s face, the way one might reach out to a scared animal. Beau remained as still as she could, watching the large, strong hand come into contact with her head with a now unsurprising softness. Beau sucked in a breath as warmth spread out from that hand and into her body, a faint glow illuminating the space between them.  Once the warmth had faded, Yasha’s hand remained cupping the side of her face. She waited, curious as to what the barbarian was thinking. Beau watched as her friend worried a lip between her teeth, blue and purple eyes darting across her face. 

“Thank you, Yasha.”

“Of course, Beau,” the barbarian replied, voice soft in the deafening silence of the lair. Yasha leaned forward, covering the distance between them with relative ease, and placed her lips delicately on Beau’s temple. Just as quickly she pulled away, the sensation on Beau’s skin so light that she may have imagined it if not for the blush coloring Yasha’s cheeks.

Beau opened her mouth to say something when Jester called out, “We did it! That’s the time, Guacamole is gone!” and whatever she was going to say was lost to the cheers and excitement of the Mighty Nein.

That was alright. There would be plenty of time for talking.

ii. 

Yasha raised the Magician’s Judge high above her head, prepared to slice through the strange grey amphibious demon in front of her. Just as she was about to strike, the creature snarled from pain and dropped to the ground with a loud thud and the crunch of what could have been bone.  Beau stood opposite, pulling her glowing fists back from what was undoubtedly the final blow. 

“Looks like you’ve got this handled,” Yasha said, smiling. She watched Beau push her one stubborn lock of hair back from her face and smile in return.

“Jealous, Yash?” Beau replied, already darting off to the next beast facing off with Fjord. She paused and turned back toward Yasha, eyes glinting in the dim light from Caleb’s orbs. A glowing hand came up to her mouth, and she blew a kiss toward the barbarian. “Plenty more where that came from.”

Yasha wasn’t sure if the heat in her face was from the fight, her rage, or Beau. She let out a breath and ran forward to follow, readjusting her grip on her sword. Probably all three.

iii.

The Xhorhaus felt more foreign than it had in awhile. The rooms were exactly how they left it, their housekeeper having kept everything in good condition and clean. It just felt… too big. After so many weeks sleeping with the rest of the Nein under Caleb’s dome, being in her own room made Yasha feel somewhat separate from everyone else. 

After so long away from everyone without control of herself, it felt very important for Yasha to keep everyone close. Before, being alone hadn’t affected her much. She was used to it; with her tribe; in her pilgrimage for the Stormlord; in her early days with the Mighty Nein. But now, after everything she had been through in the last few years, she craved being able to share space with the others, basking in their friendship, laughter, and support.

In the days since their last adventure, she found herself spending a lot of time on her balcony, watching the people in their Rosohna neighborhood. It was peaceful, quiet, perfect for reflection. This usually meant taking her harp out of its case, tuning it the best she could with an untrained ear, and attempting to devise some kind of melody. She faltered less now, her fingers memorizing where they should be to form the right chords. It gave her space to be active without needing to sit with her thoughts, and space to play out her emotions whenever she felt weighed down by them.

Caduceus would occasionally join her with his tea set, softly telling her about the families responsible for the leaves steeping in the pot. In the moments after pouring a cup for each of them, he would quietly ask Yasha to play something for him. And so she would sit, a soft smile on her lips as she pulled her fingers across the strings.

Caleb visited her once, bringing his spellbooks and parchment, and sat with her in silence for hours while he worked. Frumpkin would pass between them, rubbing himself along her legs and purring. She liked sitting with Caleb - he didn’t expect anything from her, as she didn’t expect anything from him. Sometimes it was just nice to be in the same place.

Veth didn’t really visit. Instead forced Yasha out of her room for meals and more importantly for Veth, drinks. Those moments were important too, and Veth stopped her from turning too far inward and brooding for too long in her room.

Fjord came by every couple of days, sheepishly asking to spar. He was improving in his sword work, getting more comfortable with two handed strikes and using his size to dodge and weave away from her slower and heavier greatsword. His parries were still very weak, though.

Jester would skip into her room, Sprinkle around her neck and sketchbook in hand, insisting that she just _had to_ draw Yasha with her harp or she just _had to_ show Yasha Sprinkle’s new trick. (It was never a new trick, but Yasha was grateful to Jester all the same.) Sometimes she would stop in multiple times a day, always bringing her high energy and joy with her. It was infectious.

Beau came the most often, every evening some time after dinner. Sometimes they sat in companionable silence, sometimes they chatted facing the dark city from her balcony. Mostly about nothing, sometimes about their childhoods, sometimes about their adventures. Once, they sparred in the practice room, but after a lot of heavy breathing, a few mats stained with blood, and one broken jaw (Yasha’s), the Nein all agreed that maybe Beau and Yasha shouldn’t practice with one another anymore. They stick mostly to talking after that.

When she feels confident, she talks about Zuala, Beau gently encouraging her with questions about what their life was like together, what Zuala liked to do, what made Yasha fall in love with her. That night, they talk for hours. For the first time since Molly, Yasha just let herself talk and honor her marriage. Beau stayed mostly quiet, smiling and nodding with each new point about Zuala that she learned.

They talked for long enough that Yasha watched Beau’s eyes grow heavy, shifting herself so she leaned against the barbarian’s side. She kept talking for a little while longer, though her voice took on the rasp of sleep and her head began to droop. Yasha let her drift off, watching the soft rise and fall of her breath. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Beau’s head, before resting her own head against the smaller woman.

Maybe this is what it meant to be home. Not being with everyone at all hours of every day, but finding the ways that their little family could fold into one another for the day to day. Finding the ways to share space. Being comfortable.

iv.

Beau was drunk. It had been weeks ( _ months?)  _ since the last time the Nein had been able to sit at a tavern and drink and get into brawls. She was exhausted, as they all were. It felt like they were constantly on the move, constantly chasing something. Constantly being chased. So it felt good to relax, a bottle of whisky passed around the table, laughter erupting every few minutes. 

Her friends were certainly not everyone’s favorite patrons tonight.  Veth was standing on her chair, leaning forward onto the table with both hands out for emphasis. “I’m telling you, it can’t go wrong! Jester will help me, right Jessy?” Beau could swear she saw the old bright yellow in her eyes in her excitement. That was probably just the booze though.  _ Probably.  _ Jester, who had not consumed a drop of the group’s alcohol, nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I can distract him while Veth makes the switch, what could possibly go wrong?”

“The same thing that goes wrong every time you two try something like this, you get caught,” Fjord said, bringing his glass up to his lips. “ _ Ja, _ I’d rather not get involved in this again,” muttered Caleb, only half paying attention to the group while he copied a new spell into his spellbook. 

“Eh, let them try it.”

Beau was surprised to hear Yasha’s voice. She had been quiet most of the night ( _ you know, per usual _ ), sitting with her whisky and watching her friends, laughing occasionally at their shenanigans. She seemed amused at Veth and Jester. “What?” She looked at Beau and shrugged. “Either way, it’s going to be funny to watch.” Beau really couldn’t argue with that logic. 

“Do it. We’ll keep an eye out.”

With more speed and balance than Beau thought possible, Veth jumped down off her chair and disappeared between the legs of the various patrons standing throughout the tavern. She tried to track the halfing through the crowd, but quickly lost her.  _ Rogues, man.  _ Jester followed soon after, downing the rest of her wink before sending a wink at their assembled table and walking backwards to a table across the room. Beau winked back, for good luck. The other table was occupied by a large half-orc who was probably more orc than half. 

“They really don’t have to do this for me,” Fjord sighed. “People like him have said a lot worse.” Beau reached out to grasp his shoulder. “Just because they’ve said a lot worse doesn’t mean you deserve something less worse. Wait. You know what I mean,” she said. “Besides, a prank is definitely better than a fight. I think we’d lose in a fight right now.”

Fjord chuckled, “Yeah, that’s definitely true.” 

“What’s true?” Caduceus asked, returning to the table with a new bottle of whisky and a plate filled with cheese and bread. Beau snagged a chunk of bread before the platter was placed down, taking a large bite. “That we’d lose a fight right now,” she garbled. 

“Ah, yes, that’s probably true. Where did Veth and Jester go? Veth paid for this.”

Caleb looked up, his eyes carrying over to the table with the half-orc. He considered for a moment. “We may not avoid that fight.” 

He pointed and Beau looked over in time to see Jester apologizing to the man as he stood up, wiping at his pants. Veth was behind him, her hand in his bag, hunched over to make herself as small as possible. The half-orc turned and spotted Veth with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar. Everyone paused for just a moment before a large green hand swiped down to pick up Veth by the back of her dress, hoisting her into the air. “Argh, help, help!” she yelped, trying to pry open the hand that held her aloft.

“Oh no,” Caduceus whispered, already standing up. Yasha pushed back from the table and moved quickly to the other side of the room. Beau’s brain had a full five second delay before she connected what she saw to actually doing something about it, and she rushed to catch up to Yasha, both of them reaching the scene at the same time. Jester scrambled back to stand in line with the other two women. Yasha stopped right in front of the half-orc, unafraid of the potential conflict.

“I would put her down if I were you,” Yasha said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.  _ Hot.  _ “You should listen to her, she is very strong,” Jester added, mimicking the barbarian’s pose. 

The large green man snarled, his tusks pushing back into his cheeks. “I don’t think so, she was nicking from my bag.” He shook Veth for emphasis and she let out another brief yelp, struggling in his grasp. Yasha took a step forward, and Beau watched as the muscles in her jaw began to tighten in a familiar rage. “I said, put her down, please.” The half-orc took a step forward to match, standing boot to boot with the barbarian, half a head taller and much larger. Beau shifted her stance in preparation, balancing her weight and clenching her fists.

“And what are you going to do about it, lady?” Before Yasha could react, Fjord put a hand on her shoulder. _ When did he get here? _ Beau was more drunk than she thought. Jester quickly looked back to make eye contact, raising her shoulders and tilting her head, a grimace clear on her face. 

“Why don’t we settle this the old fashioned way, huh? A little strength contest?” Fjord said, somehow managing to position himself between the other half-orc and Yasha. The much taller man eyed him, his gaze moving occasionally back toward the barbarian who had one eyebrow raised. Fjord just plastered on his best smile, oozing charm.

“How?” the half-orc growled, taking a step back. Fjord let out a breath, and Beau relaxed her stance. “You against our friend Yasha here, arm wrestling. Yasha wins, we pay for your drinks the rest of the night and you leave Veth alone. You win, you get to punch Veth in the face, we still pay for your drinks, and we leave the tavern.”  _ What? _

“Hey! I don’t want to get punched!” Veth squirmed more, her short arms too weak to escape her captor’s grasp. “Deal,” he grunted, dropping Veth from where he held her up. She landed on the ground with a thud and a squeal, scrambling up to stand behind Jester’s legs. “Great, great,” said Fjord, already moving to the table to clear the few bottles and glasses out of the way.

Beau let herself relax giving Yasha a quick pat on the shoulder before stepping to Jester and Veth. “Are you two, okay?” she asked. “That maybe didn’t go as planned,” Jester replied, rubbing one of her horns sheepishly. 

“I can’t believe Fjord is going to let me get punched in the face!” Veth shouted, plenty loud enough for their friend to hear and look up at. He only shrugged in response and waited for Yasha and the hulking half-orc to sit and ready themselves. “I really don’t think Yasha will let that happen,” Jester reassured her. “She’s really, really strong.” Beau found herself nodding in agreement, her brain and body still delayed. As she looked back to the table she noticed that a bit of a crowd had formed, curious to see the result of the strange pale woman facing off with the massive man across from her.  _ This could be fun _ .

“Alright, alright, place your bets! Who you got winning this one?” Beau called out, holding her hand out to some of the gathered people. There was some murmuring and shuffling in coin purses as people called out their bets and started handing her coin. “Caleb, a little help please?”

“ _ Ja _ , of course, Beauregard,” the wizard said, following a step behind her and keeping track of each interaction. Fjord waited while Beau worked the crowd, a little exasperated as he explained the rules. “Alright, one round, first hand to hit the table loses. One arm on the table, and you can’t use your other arm to brace yourself. And no magic.” He got swift nods from the opponents in front of him.

Finishing the last of her transactions, Beau ended her path around the circle behind the half-orc facing Yasha. The two participants both put their right elbows on the table and locked hands tightly. The whole room seemed to pause before Fjord’s “Go!” and Yasha’s eyes flashed a bright white-blue and her rage rushed through her body. They both grunted as they leaned into the struggle, neither letting the other gain ground at the start.

Beau found herself watching Yasha and the way her rage washed over her face. Her eyes were steel, jaw clenched tight, the muscles in her arms seemingly straining under her skin. Yasha’s rage wasn’t like the other people Beau had seen before. Something about it was colder, more restrained. The color seemed to drain even further from her already pale skin. She didn’t release it in a fit of fury, but rather it built and built, ruthless in the ways it fueled her attacks.  _ Beautiful.  _

The half-orc grunted as he pushed Yasha’s arm down steadily towards the table. Beau watched that familiar spark in her multicolored eyes, halting the movement but failing to make up the momentum. “You’ve got this, Yasha!” she called out, and before she could think better of it, she blew a kiss. Her brain and body definitely needed to get on the same page. 

Yasha looked up briefly, something in her eyes shifting when they met Beau’s. Despite her rage, her cheeks began to redden. With a small shake of her head, she looked back at her opponent and with one final grunt of force, slammed his hand into the table with a sharp crack of wood. Beau and the rest of the Nein let out a holler of celebration, fists raised into the air. Yasha smiled tightly, the rage slowly fading as she came back to herself. She looked back to Beau and her smile widened just slightly, a dusting of pink still visible on her pale cheeks.

Okay, so maybe Beau’s body had been onto something here.

v. 

It had been a long time since they needed to take watch with Caleb’s dome. The consequence of pissing off a very old dragon without enough energy left over to make follow through on your escape plan. Caleb and Veth had offered to go first, Beau and Yasha second, leaving Jester and Caduceus to take the final watch. It was decided early on that Fjord needed to rest.

Beau was immediately reminded of her and Yasha's last watch together, what felt like forever ago. Just before Yasha had been taken from them. The first time they talked about Zuala, and Yasha opened up about her fears in facing Obann. So much had changed since then.

They sat in comfortable silence until Yasha roused Beau from her thoughts with a tap from her boot. “You fought well today, Beau.”

Beau turned to look at her companion, her blue and purple eyes fixed somewhere on the opposite side of the dome. She thought back to the fight, of just narrowly missing being frozen to death by the dragon’s breath. “Yeah, well, I think we got lucky on this one. You did well too, I don’t think you missed a single hit,” she replied, settling herself against the wall of the dome. “I really hope that this stone thing is worth it.”

Yasha considered that for a moment. “I think you know that it is. You were the one who did all of the research with Caleb, you know as much about this as he does.” Yasha looked over at her with that same intense stare Beau had become accustomed to. 

“Yeah, no, yeah, you’re right. I just feel like every battle lately I’m getting dropped like it’s nothing. Kind of sucks having to rely on you and Fjord to come to my rescue. And I don’t know, seeing Fjord go down like that today? And not being able to do anything about it? Sucked,” Beau said, using the knuckle of her glove to trace lines in the dirt.

“We aren’t coming to your rescue, Beau. We look out for each other, that’s what friends do. Fjord was fine, Caduceus had him stable and Jester had him back up in seconds.”

Beau sighed. “I know, I get it, you guys would do that for anyone. And most of the time I don’t mind that I can’t heal, even though I mean, it’s super fucking useful. It’s great that we have two clerics, and that the Wildmother gave Fjord the ability to heal. And I think your healing feels stronger to me now, which is really great.” She paused to take a drink from her waterskin before offering it out to Yasha, who silently accepted. “I just wish I could’ve helped him instead of being forced to do nothing but keep fighting.”

Yasha took her time answering, closing the lid on the waterskin and wiping her lips before handing it back to Beau. “Beau, I’ve told you before. You are one of the most capable fighters I have ever seen. Not being able to heal yourself or someone else is not a flaw. You kept the dragon occupied to give Caduceus and Jester time to help Fjord. So you did help him, even if you didn’t cast the spell yourself.”

Beau wiped away the pattern she was drawing in the dirt. “Yeah, yeah. I guess you’re right. Thanks, Yasha.”

Yasha shifted closer, facing Beau more directly. “Of course, Beau. Getting to battle alongside you is an honor.” She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Beau’s forehead, holding herself there long enough for the monk’s eyes to slide closed. “Now, I believe it is time for us to sleep. We should wake the others. Goodnight, Beau.” She stood up and delicately stepped over to a sleeping Caduceus.

Beau smiled to herself before crawling to the other side of her bedroll where Jester lay softly snoring. “Night, Yash.”

1.

Panic bubbled up in her chest as she watched, mouth open in shock. Beau’s body slumped to the ground, a faint haze of smoke coming from the hole burned in the back of her robes where the lightning struck.  _ Where the lightning struck _ .

Yasha had never felt anything but thankful for her god, but now she hated the very symbol of his power.

From somewhere behind her, people were screaming, calling out for Beau, calling out in surprise, calling out in anger. And Yasha? Yasha didn’t say a word as she charged past Beau’s body at the giant on his knees, already gathering another blast of lightning. 

He looked hurt. Yasha would make sure he looked dead.

As she charged forward, she pulled Skingorger up and ready, a brief burst of necrotic energy striking across its surface. Her momentum carried her forward and she threw all her strength behind the attack, driving her sword deep into his side before pulling it out and slashing across his thigh, hoping to catch an important artery. The giant howled something in a language Yasha didn’t understand, but it was useless. Blood gushed from the wound on his leg, and he was immediately hit in the face by a huge blast of fire and fell backwards with a loud thud, unmoving.

Yasha breathed heavily as the rage left her body, feeling exhausted and gagging on the scent of burning flesh as she sheathed Skingorger. She turned back to where Beau lay, her skin already paler than just moments before. “Damnit, she’s gone,” Caduceus yelled, his healing magic failing to sink into Beau’s skin. “Jester, we need that diamond now!”

Yasha ran back to the group in a full sprint, dropping to her knees by Beau’s head. “Caduceus?”

“We’ve got her, Yasha, we’ve got her.” She watched as he held his hands over the Expositor’s limp body, glowing green magic causing a series of vines and flowers to bloom and support her.

Fjord ran up next, putting his hand on the cleric’s shoulder to steady him. Yasha could hear more footsteps, but her gaze was focused on Beau’s face, her blue eyes open and unseeing. She reached down to close her eyelids and gathered the monk’s head in her hands, resting it on her thighs. “I’ve got it, I have the diamond!” Jester slid to the ground next to her best friend and pushed the diamond into her chest, muttering an incantation under her breath as she worked. The diamond sank into Beau’s chest, disappearing. Yasha noticed water on Beau’s face, and she moved to wipe it away.  _ Oh. _ She was crying.

“Please, please. Stormlord, this cannot happen again. Not again, not to Beau, please,” she begged, caressing Beau’s head against her thighs while Jester moved her hands in various forms, focused on her magic.

After several long moments, Beau gasped for breath, her eyes fluttering open. “Ow,” she groaned, attempting to sit up. Yasha kept her down with a hand to her shoulder. She could hear the distant rumble of thunder and she closed her eyes for a moment to take a deep breath,

“Glad to see you’re back, first mate,” Fjord said as he leaned down to heal Beau by channeling the divinity of the Wildmother. 

“Oh, yes, that feels so much better,” Beau said, closing her eyes briefly as the healing energy passed over her. Yasha let out a laugh of relief and allowed herself to relax slightly. At the sound of air pushing past her lips, Beau's eyes opened and she looked up. “Hey, you’re crying.” Beau reached a hand up to Yasha’s cheek, wiping away some of the tears that had fallen.

“I am very, very glad you’re okay, Beau,” she whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere, trust me,” the monk replied, a cheeky if weak grin on her lips. “I hope not,” Yasha said, and without letting herself stop to think, she pressed her own lips to Beau’s smile. The monk gasped slightly, and she pulled back slightly to look at the other woman’s face, brow furrowed in concern. 

“Fucking finally,” Beau said, and reached her hand behind Yasha’s head to pull her in for a second kiss.


End file.
